Dare to Step into Your Colleagues' Shoes: The Power of Emotional Intelligence

I remember well a few years ago speaking with the director of a highly successful and beloved hospital in Switzerland. He was a man capable of making razor-sharp, strategic choices. He had to, because healthcare across Europe has been under severe pressure for years. Anyone who doesn't innovate, who doesn't dare to make sharp choices, simply falls behind and disappears from the landscape.

But this man, alongside his strategic sharpness, had a very deep core principle that he breathed in everything he did: "Trust is everything, and without trust, everything is nothing."

Of course, this is only one side of the coin. You need hard, strategic choices just as much as you need empathetic, connecting leadership. They are co-essentials: both must be lived, and one can never exist without the other. Just as a bird needs two wings to fly—with only one wing, it just flutters around and crashes.

I would love to take you on a short journey through the third competence of what we at xpand call Cutting Edge Leadership: emotional intelligence.

When we talk about emotional intelligence for leaders, we are not talking about some vague, airy-fairy concept. We define it very concretely:

Emotional intelligence is the ability to build meaningful connections, create mutual trust, and foster an environment where people feel safe enough to be honest, take risks, and learn together—across all boundaries of hierarchy and culture.

Relational intelligence is the indispensable infrastructure for collective performance. Let's break this competence down into three very concrete, manageable skills.

1. Building a Culture of Trust

In my own leadership journey over the past forty years, this has always been a central theme. And I still notice it in myself every single day: it always starts with a healthy self-confidence as a leader. If you don't accept yourself, with all your strengths and weaknesses, how can you give someone else the space to grow?

As a leader, you are an architect of the culture. You influence the atmosphere on three levels: 10% by what you say, 30% by what you do, but a whopping 60% by who you are. If there is no trust, your employees' filters close up. Renowned Harvard professor Frances Frei reminds us that trust rests on three pillars: authenticity, empathy, and logic. If one of those pillars wobbles, the bridge of trust collapses.

If empathy is missing, people feel like a number. If logic is missing, they don't understand the direction. And if authenticity is missing, they sense that you are playing a role. From a place of healthy self-confidence, you can actively start investing in the people around you. Not with the message: "I trust you because you performed well" (that is control), but: "I entrust you with this because I believe in your character."

2. Team Capability: The Art of Connecting

Team capability also starts with yourself. Do you truly believe in the power and necessity of healthy teams? In our current, complex 'VUCA-BANI' times, it is simply impossible to have all the answers as a lone wolf. The era of the solo leader, the 'hero' who solves everything, is far behind us.

Successful organizations are able to reinvent themselves time and again because they work with tight-knit leadership teams. A crucial element of this is the capacity for genuine connection. Well-known researcher Brené Brown describes connection very beautifully: it is the experience of being seen, heard, and valued without judgment.

Do you genuinely dare to step into the shoes of your fellow leaders? Do you dare to understand their perspective before trying to prove you are right? Only when we consciously seek that connection do we lay the foundation for a team that can weather any storm.

3. Feedback and Conflict Competence

The stronger the feedback culture is established in your organization, the faster conflicts are voiced and resolved. In a healthy culture, it doesn't take months for a simmering conflict to come to the table; ideally, we resolve it within five days.

To achieve this, we need to train some very practical skills:

• Creating safety: Opening a conversation in such a way that the other person doesn't immediately feel the need to defend themselves.
• Active listening: Hearing what is being said, but especially listening to what is not being said.
• Courageous conversations: Daring to address difficult matters with a rare combination of directness and deep respect.
• Humility: Daring to doubt your own rightness and being open to correction by others.

It is a sign of emotional intelligence and maturity when we notice where we have hurt or annoyed others. Sometimes we breeze through life so cheerfully that we leave debris scattered left and right without even realizing it. We only get a shock when the bomb drops. Therefore, be the first to reach out and restore the relationship.

Where Do You Start Today?

This might sound like a massive task, but we don't have to be perfect. It's about growing in small, steady steps. The journey from a shaky raft to a seaworthy sailing ship doesn't happen in a single day.

You can do two things today to strengthen your emotional intelligence:

First: work on your self-confidence. Exercise regularly or make music, alone or with others. These are proven, physical ways to get out of your head and feel your own core strength.

Second: build a lifestyle of gratitude. Grateful people radiate peace and confidence. They don't feel the constant need to prove themselves, which leaves them with the mental space to truly listen to others.

Let me leave you with this question to quietly consider today: In which area of your team are you currently still unconsciously choosing control over trust, and what is the first small step you can take to let that go?

I wish you a beautiful and inspiring journey on this path.

Warm regards,

Paul Donders